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Fat women, in particular, are consistently desexualized on one hand and over-sexualized on the other. In a pre-Twitter, pre-Instagram, pre-blogger era, it was easy to assume that no one like me was getting it on. I was 15, or maybe 16, and this was to be the night of my virginity loss. Although fat sex and thin sex work very much the same, our bodies all crave different experiences — and there's nothing wrong with that. No one had ever spoken to me honestly about what it's like to have sex as a fat person — and in that moment, I wondered whether that was because I wasn't supposed be having any sex until I lost some dress sizes. Our fatness does not cease to exist, or be noticeable, simply because we stick to black-on-black ensembles. Even in otherwise progressive circles, fat fetishes or preferences are often disregarded as problematic: limited to the likes of abusive men who will only ever want fat women for their bodies and nothing more. Unless she's with someone who's "very well-endowed," she just can't feel much. If the end result is a deeper, more penetrative experience for all parties involved, then everyone will ultimately be happier.

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