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My aunt used to use an orange watering can for some inexplicable reason. It was soon removed, though, because the water pressure was far, far too high. It's not just an annoying preference we've learned—it's an inherent belief and part of our faith. Option two is to defiantly ignore your co-worker, silently creep into the stall with your makeshift bidet, do your business, and then refrain from speaking to anyone for the remainder of the day. Option three is to carry your device defiantly into the toilet above your head with both arms, while staring every colleague you meet on the way right in the eye. My brother-in-law used a plastic milk jug that had a lip to reduce the risk of spillage. Because, just like millions of other Muslims, I wash my backside after every visit to the toilet using a magical chalice—a small pot filled with water called a lota. They're frightened, perhaps, by the idea of making contact with your own bumhole after doing your business. I've heard it all when new people come to my home for the first time, the incessant, "What, so you actually touch your poo?

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